The One I Miss the Most


To say that I miss you is a misleading lie. The truth is I miss the person I used to be when I was still with you.


I miss guffawing at the silliest details, I miss being so simple, so easy to please. Back then, a walk in the park was something that could buoy me over for weeks. I miss the tension between hope and utter fear that wrapped me up like a cocoon.


Yes, there is no point missing you, but it is important for me to remember who I was before I became quieter, more cynical, and sometimes, I admit, withdrawn. 


I know part of me is still that fun-loving person, that despite whatever I say, I am still most happy with simple pleasures, how wonderful and honest conversations and a cup of coffee could make me satiated. 


I am trying to break a path for another dream, but I want to not stop missing these memories. I want to be reminded of what I once was and how perhaps with a bit of effort I can balance that side of me with this more prudent side, the side who should by now know better.

                                                            “Just all I wanted…”





The moon shines in a black silky sky.
She wondered why there are no stars that night.
Lightning strikes but no sign of rain.
The wind is so cold and it caught her skin,
Then suddenly…
She longed for a warm embrace.
“What a cruel thought.”
She whispered.
Then she looked up to find a star so she could wish,
Wishing that her heart didn’t hear her.
“Darn stars! Where are they when you need them the most…?”
Glad thing that her heart beats so fast creating such great sound and not able to hear her plead.
Now she’s silent once more.
Watching passers by.
Only the moon’s light shines on every surface.
“What is that?”
A voice going towards her.
She is so amazed,
Seeing a glitter in the air.
So beautiful.
It flew so high that it looked like a star.
“Now there is my star that I could wish on, in a way.”
Then she smiled.
She can’t set her eyes off to this single firefly.
As the night goes deeper,
Her heart wants to be noticed again.
This time her heart beats faster.
“Please stop this instance!”
She whispered.
“What did you say?”
That voice again, getting nearer.
Then a figure caught in the moon’s gleam.
Those loving eyes reflect what’s within.
Those lips that speak of love and truth.
But the real truth is not from him.
But from her.
Felt by her heart.
“Wait!”
She thought her heart didn’t hear her.
“You lied! You knew it from the start.”
“Darn heart!”
She turned away, watching the waters now.
The moon’s light sparkles to the sea.
Then a bright light flashed from above.
It caught her attention.
Then she looked up.
“Look!”
That voice, it’s against her ear now.
But she kept on staring at the sky as another firework burst in the air.
The night is filled with striking arrows engraved with love.
As if the night is planned.
“Are these things meant to happen?” She wondered.
Then her heart thumped and made her stand still.
He held her hand as they walk making sure she’s alright.
That is why…
He slowly melts her heart.
Those smiles, makes her see the brighter shade of life.
She closed her eyes trying not to be blinded by it.
“So wrong.”
She whispered softly.
This time all were silent.
Then started by a slow sound,
Their heart beat faster and louder.
Then she felt the warmth of his hand,
The warm embrace that she longed for,
And her lips become so sweet…

“Just all I wanted…”
He said.
Then he smiled as he never had before

late morning

She smiled and added a deep love and care to her voice, "I love you."


I smiled back and laughed. "I love you, too."

"What's so funny?"

"I'm not laughing because of anything funny."

"What then?"

"It's just been a while, is all."

I ran my hand across her cheek and down her neck, pulling the sheet down to her waist and pressing her bare chest up against mine. Then, I kissed her quickly, trying to catch her before she clenched her lips together in an effort to keep her morning breath in.

She shooed me away. "I haven't brushed my teeth yet."

"I don't care. Love isn't just blind, it doesn't have a sense of smell or taste, either. Doubly so before it's gotten out of bed."

She giggled and covered her face over with the sheet. "Don't look at me. I'm not cute in the mornings."

"Says who?"

"Says me. I'm not showered, I'm exhausted, I've got bags under my eyes, I'm just...ugh."

"You are a beautiful, shimmering angel."

"You're really laying it on thick today, aren't you?"

"Isn't it my right as a doting boyfriend?"

She smiled again, this time unconsciously flashing her teeth and brightening her almond colored eyes with love.

"I love how smiley you are this morning."

"Aren't I always this full of sunshine?"

"Only when we sleep in."

"Ha." She laughed. "Maybe."

The cool gray of a clouded morning slowly gave way to the orange and yellow of the sun peeking out from the clouds, bright and fresh as though the clouds had let the sun sleep in, too.

We both laid there, considering each other deeply. I wondered what this morning would have been like without her at my side and decided I didn't like any of the options my imagination came up with.

"What did you mean before?"

"What did I mean before about what?"

"About it being a while. What was that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, I don't know. Nothing?"

"Don't do that."

"I don't know..." I knew. I just didn't have the right words. As people often do, I knew exactly what I meant and how I felt, but felt too embarrassed and foolish to say it out loud. Somehow, the feeling had crystallized in my brain and it was beyond words, and now that I tried forming words to describe it, I was failing miserable. It's virtually impossible to describe a feeling that complex. Maybe things would be easier if we could just touch each other and share the exact sentiment we're trying to get across. Maybe one day humans will find it necessary for survival, but I didn't have that luxury.

"Well, you know. Things haven't been rainbows and lollypops all the time. And we've both been working ourselves stupid. And... you know... I can be an insensitive, insufferable son of a bitch..."

"I know. You've been better lately, though."

"It's because for a while it didn't feel like you meant it when you said, 'I love you.'"

"I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it."

"Deep down I suppose I knew you meant it, but it was like the scattered embers of a once raging fire."

"Were you writing bad poetry in your dreams?"

"Always."

I forced a smile and carried on. "I felt like I was losing you. And I've been trying. I've been trying to be sweeter, to make less of a big deal of things, trying to recapture that newness of our love. I'm trying to fix, at least in small ways, the things I know bug you the most."

She grew serious, laying there, watching me talk with a measure of solemnity carefully added to her features.

"When you said it this morning, you had that warmth, that fire back in your voice. I could feel it, in my heart, as a thrill up my spine, and it all shook out as a smile on my face. It felt like the first time in a long time that you meant it like you used to, and it was the best thing I could ask for."

She took a moment to think over what she was going to say, then she leaned in close, whispering into my ear, adding to those excited chills of love, "Of course I love you. And sure, things were rough, but I love and care deeply about you. And I'm not going anywhere."

My excitement turned elsewhere. She noticed and bit her lip coyly.

"You are so effing adorable."

She cocked an eyebrow and grinned crookedly, "You better believe it."

fantacy

Ma fantacy word-----its nt a kiddo thought,or nt a granny’s fairy tale. Its jus our imagination how vast or different we can think. . I jus luv dis word jus imagine,ye hota to kya hota , aise hota to kya hota bla bla bla…… Mind z knack of activities, dere r lots of desires,bt 1 idiotic word “destiny” z always dere 2 spoil ur desire..nywayzzzzz dis whle is idiotic,bt I lyk idiotic things.

Reality is always dere 4 u ,  bt apart dis reality derzzzz one more column in  mind dats fantacy. Dis z ur creation n derz always happiness wen u create sumthin. Every thing z jus happenin accordin 2 u.

I always thought if I gt aladin’s pot wat would b ma 3 wishes--- icecrem,galfren,money…….nahhhhhhh dis z reality buddy, dis I can do myselves.still confused kya mangu ya…ohhhhhhh 1  1 thought huffed otta ma mind” hows dis if dis whole world z changed into disney land. Dere will be no tension..”wat an idea sirji”

Gini replied…tu ru ru rooo oe its mornin tym 2 wake up, bt wo cares "sapne to hum din mai b dekh sakte hai” …

Dere r lot of imaginations….once v were sittin in dropn . as usual doin sumthin idiotic. Sami was busy in writin her bolg material n neenu ji was jus suckin noodles”dese r nt so wet so its difficult 2 suck” he he  n me I was jus watchin food fyt n pen fyt of dese two.

I was watchin wit full concentration…den I feel v r r teletubies. Tubies also do dese idiotics…n su weneva I see him I feel lyk If he z fred den m barney, n if he poo den m piglit, weneva v two r together derzzzzz sumthin funny gnna happen. I thk v two ve 2 opn a “free ph joke sewa” haso hasao lyf banao…

Dere r lot of crazy thought cum 2 mind”wo eva discovered milk, wo cares, bt wat d hell he wanna do wit cow”…dere r lots of realistic answers bt m still searchin 4 ryt 1, if u gt plz tell.

"I knew I loved u before I met u"

May be its intuition,

Sometimes you just don’t question.

Like in your eyes

I saw my future is an instant.

And there its goes,

I thought I found my best friend.

I know that it might sound more than a little crazy,

but I believe and I know that
 I Loved you before.

I meet u I think I dreamed you into my life,

I knew I loved you before I met you,

I’ve been waiting all my life.

There is just no rhyme or reason,

only a sense of completion and

in your eyes I see the missing pieces I’m searching for,

I think I’ve found my way to home.

A thousand angels dance around you

I’m complete now that I’ve found you,

"I knew I loved u before I met u”

Its called the Magical Destiny!

Every thing happens 4 a reason,ya dats true bt sum magical powers r also dere.sum tyms question arises in ma mind y m here,is dere ny body above us,cant say sum tyms it looks v r d boss, bt sum tyms v r as poor as lamb wo gnna cut by butcher.in case a statement is cumin 2 ma mind ---"no body is atheist in dis foxhle". in pressure situation everybody reminds or remember god.

dere r many situation wen u gnna blame on god, y u r doin dis 2 me n sum tyms feelin cums 2 ur mind dat u d luckiest one,god is with u.u mus b thinkin y m writin dis actually i wanna make ma meanin clear 2 "magical destiny" . dis u can attain by your efforts n sum wat by god.

nw make you clr ab dis god.wat dis god is "magical power" yeap its d magical power,which healp u 2 attain ur goal..magical powers---nt dat tantra mantra,its sum wordin or feelin dat forces you 2 move on right wat n achieve your target...so always thik dat u r lucky n god has chosen u specially for dis task..

moti take a chill pill man, u gettin serious,serious ha ha ,wat eva dis z nt me, m d joker 1,who neva eva belive in rules made ba others, always sets ma own rules basically i m nt dis writer type bt wen Sami asked Navi n me 2 read her blogs, ek dum feelin si cum 2 mind , you can also dis ...its 2 or 3 days before i visted library ,i feel that i was in fuckin gravyard,no sound nothin peace n peace...nw tryin 2 write a story "magical destiny"...lets hope 4 d best..